If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize