OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
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judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
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I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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