the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Even my vagina gasped.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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