I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize