her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
someone threw a dead crab at me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize