yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize