we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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