I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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