sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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