So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
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you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
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He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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