Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
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She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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