my phone needs a breathalizer
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize