It's Friday. Sex?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize