i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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