he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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