I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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