he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Randomize