Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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