Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
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I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
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You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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