i'm signing you up for texting rehab
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize