i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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