I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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