If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
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