New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize