dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
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ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
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His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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