turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
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honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You dont lie about slip and slides
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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