even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
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That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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