I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize