The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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