Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Randomize