I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize