exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize