Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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