i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize