Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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