spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
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I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
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Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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