and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
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doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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