We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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