Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
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You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
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Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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