he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize