well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
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so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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