She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
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just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
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The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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