once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
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it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
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You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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