Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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