1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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