Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Houston, we have a squirter
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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