you guys were way drunker than both of me
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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