we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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