I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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