I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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